Reasons to feel sad

[Soundphase]

I feel like shit, can't say it in another way. There are many things I feel I'm interested in, but none of them is THE thing I could absolutely commit myself into. I don't even know if it should be a person or just something or more things keeping me busy. I don't even know if even that's the way to do and maybe I'm doing it right now by experimenting.

You just have to be calm and experiment, you don't need anyone. The goal is to find a routine because without that everything is messy and confusing.
Later on I realized that life isn't about trying to force things or have success, it's about finding your flow, leaving your ego at the door, and allowing yourself to sit in the mud and make mistakes. You work things out slowly with small steps. Sometimes you have to put dreams, friends, and even family aside, because there's too much overhead. Try to listen to your feelings - love things (because if there's no love, you'll be left with confusion ).

[adamross]

Post Kingdom Hearts 3 depression.

[alitce]

Post Kingdom Hearts 3 depression.

La Depression is the most common disease unfortunately

[Digital Shifter]

Been clean from cigarettes and weed for 57 days now. I sleep like shit and wake up multiple times during the night. I still work out but only 3 days a week since I've been ill 3 times with the worst sore throats you can imagine. I have no energy to create music because I'm totally drained with no inspiration nor focus. GOD DAMMIT DUDE..

[Valadia]

Been clean from cigarettes and weed for 57 days now. I sleep like shit and wake up multiple times during the night. I still work out but only 3 days a week since I've been ill 3 times with the worst sore throats you can imagine. I have no energy to create music because I'm totally drained with no inspiration nor focus. GOD DAMMIT DUDE..

I feel ya man. Shit can be tough, but hang on. You'll get there again.

[dolanpls]

Was going to see Atmozfears and Sefa this weekend, but my stupid ass thought that it was Saturday, not Friday and now I have no time to go there... I'm a fucking idiot

[HardstyleLJ]

the man behind the Qlimax voice, Chris Corley, has passed away march 21st. he made it to 55 years until the pancreatic cancer got him.
it is a reason for me to feel sad because his iconic voice is a huge part of the hardstyle scene.

[Shadder]

I have tinnitus and I feel like my passion for Hardstyle is slowly fading

[Soundphase]

passion for Hardstyle

Hey believe me, hardstyle is infinite. It's just fatigue, or stress which makes you think that your passion is dying. If you take a few days break it can help. Sometimes hardstyle is just a pain in the ass, but know that it's an eternal world with limitless possibilities. my attitude is, "if this doesn't help my mood, I'm going to stay away from this for a while". Btw, you can also be passionate about hardstyle and make other kind of music. Don't let your mind tell you that you need to do specific things.

[battlejellyfish]

I don't really know where to start, mixture of different thoughts. Will be a veeeery long post.

Five months ago I started to talk with a girl through the internet. First we just did a little but as days went by, I started to pay attention on her much more and vice versa (and this time I'm sure it happened and it's not my illusion). Once she suggested if we could talk this much and all seems to be good then we should meet. I was hesitating as hell because I've never really met anyone from the internet and was extremely anxious. What she will think when she sees me? Of course we've seen each other on pictures and sure she wasn't fake because I got one especially made for me (no, not nudes, just something really kind), but who knows what might happen, which of my features, gestures, words, whatever will discourage her and rebuild the image she had in her mind?

So we've agreed about a day to meet (calling it date? nah) but she became sick so we had to postpone it. Yeah, well... not so good when I'm completely blown away in my mind about the whole situation. But I was fine with that, I'm not trying to force my will on anyone. While she was sick, she spent a lot of time at home and this was the point where it started to become serious: I just realised I'm checking her each time I had some break at my workplace and she continuously texted me various things, started to talk about deeper topics and ourselves. I feel like she almost knows everything about me and still not scared which I still don't know how is possible but actually happened... and the meanwhile, I started to become braver to meet her after the first hesitations, I asked her to have another day to meet, but it seemed like the opportunity is slowly starting to slip through my fingers.

And here comes the problematic part. She's almost 5 years older than me (I feel like women/girls older than me to 29-30 yrs are more attractive than any other age groups, meh) and later she said, that at her age, it would be really good to find somebody to start a family with, she went through a lot of shit in her past (heavy drug addiction in her teen years, relationship with violent guys and such) and the problem is if she meets me, she expects it to be extremely good that she starts to develop deeper feelings, and because I'm younger, she cannot really think I'm up for that (me neither tho). I still find ridiculous the part I'm considered that great already without seeing and knowing me in person at all. She also said that getting together with me will bear more questionable things than someone older than her. As time went by, she became rejective about a meet. Later she admitted that the first time she wanted to meet, she wanted to have sex and things like that mostly (worth mentioning that unknown area = more stress, excitement = chance to ruin anything = more disappointment about me)

We're still talking with each other but much less in the past days. She said we really should stop doing that because it's really toxic to desire, while we cannot clearly see each other... and I actually think she's right at some point but I cannot really understand how it's possible to be sure about desiring without any personal contact. And that is my biggest problem. Besides that I'm clearly addicted to her.

And this is why I also consider myself a complete fool, mentally healthy people don't go deeper into stuff like this I do. Now that she's texting me less and her cute self has to be held in (I really would like to experience it ffs) I'm realising again that I'm alone. And by alone, I mean I don't have friends I share a lot of common things with. Common things? Hmm. Yup, I have to find the stuff I enjoy the most and dive myself in, but I want something that makes me a better and more "conscious" person compared to what I am now. The problem is that I'm afraid I will do it once again to make others comfortable with me, to make people I like to like me back, to accept me. Because I cannot accept myself. It's not about my body but my mindset, I just cannot change it, because I always come back to the conclusion I made earlier. Also I'm 24, the world is out there and I have to learn how to face it alone, but I feel like I'm collapsing beneath the burden falling on my shoulders.

I think I have some sort of AvPD developed during the years, maybe I should see a psychologist or someone like that (self-diagnosing, yay). I'm now a failure who is completely empty inside, waiting for one thing to completely occupy me but I have to find that thing. Maybe loneliness will be much more bearable and will not see myself hanging from a tree with rope wrapped around my neck or bathing in my own blood.

(I guess you think this crazy guy writes you something that is completely personal... but I think I'm capable of doing it when nobody knows me)