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Rest in peace: Alex (akachaostheory)

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Postby akachaostheory » 07 Feb 2016, 00:41

Hello dear forum, here's the sister from Alex, known as "akachaostheory" here .
We (I and his family) got the sad news that he passed away around a half hour ago due a car-accident .
As we all know about his passion about hardstyle and that he was in this forum we decided to make this public .
He has written a text about why and what were the reasons for his sudden death . I give my best to translate it (sorry for my bad english):

"The life is unfair . More than enough it wants to see us down at the bottom and expect us to stand up again and continue like we did before . But what if we don't have any power and hope any more ? If we are trapped in hopelesness and you feel alone ? If you know that things aren't going to change ? Wherefore do you have to stand up again ? Wherefore ? I admit that this are very ignorant thoughts . But in cases like mine it is very hard to think about their loved ones and get addicted (???) to their egoism and hopelessness . I am exactly at this point . I do not have any hope . I am done with live . For everybody there is a point to say "goodbye" . For me it has come to this point . I don't want to live my live at this way, don't want to be lost in my thoughts and don't want to be alone . Dreams were dreamt and now it is the time to wake up . But in my case it is like going to sleep and never wake up again . It hurts me and I'm sorry that I leave you alone . That I put my evil (?) over everything and that I can't think of you . I will all hurt you and disapoint . But I don't know what do to now . To be honest there isn't a meaning of living my life . "

Original german text:
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Das Leben ist unfair. Mehr als oft genüg möchte es uns am Boden sehen und erwartet,
dass wir wieder aufstehen und wie zuvor weitermachen.
Aber was, wenn man keine Kraft und keine Hoffnung mehr hat?
Wenn man die ganze Zeit in Hoffnungslosigkeit schwelgt und sich alleine fühlt?
Wenn man weiß, dass sich Dinge nicht ändern und bessern werden?
Wozu soll man dann noch aufstehen? Wozu?
Zugegeben, das ist sehr ignorantes Denken.
Aber in Fällen wie in dem meinen fällt es Menschen sehr schwer, an ihre Nächsten zu denken
und verfallen ihrem Egoismus und ihrer Hoffnungslosigkeit.

Genau an diesem Punkt bin ich angelangt. Ich habe keine Hoffnung mehr. Für mich ist das Leben abgeschlossen.
Für jeden gibt es einen Zeitpunkt, an dem er "Lebewohl" zu sagen hat.
Für mich ist dieser Zeitpunkt nun gekommen.
Ich möchte mein Leben nicht mehr auf diese Art und Weise weiterleben, möchte nicht mehr in meinen Gedanken
veloren, alleine sein. Träume haben sich ausgeträumt und nun ist es an der Zeit, endlich aufzuwachen.
Nur heißt es bei mir sich zu Ruhe betten und nie wieder aufstehen.

Es tut mir weh und vor allem, es tut mir leid, dass ich euch alleine lasse.
Dass ich mein eigenes Übel in den Vordergrund stelle und nicht an euch denken kann.
Ich werde euch alle enttäuschen und traurig machen. Aber es geht nicht anders.
Aufgeben ist einfach leichter. Ich habe zum Weiterkämpfen keine Kraft mehr.
Ehrlich gesagt sehe ich auch keinen Sinn mehr darin, mein Leben weiterzuleben.

Es tut mir leid. Bitte weint nicht um mich.

An meine Familie: Wir waren nicht oft einer Meinung und ich habe mich auch nicht oft euch verbunden gefühlt
aber ich habe euch und das, was ihr für mich getan habt, immer wertgeschätzt. Ich liebe euch.

An meine Freunde: Ihr wusstet mit größter Sicherheit, dass ich das tun werde. Bitte seid nicht enttäuscht,
dass ich diesen Weg gewählt habe.

Und zu guter Letzt: Schatz? Du hattest Angst, dass du mich verlierst. Du wirst mich nun verlieren.
Ich habe dich immer aufrichtig und von ganzem Herzen geliebt. Aber ich kann mein Leben nicht mehr
so weiterleben wie bisher. Es ist vorbei. Bitte vergib' mir. Ich liebe dich über alles.

Es ist Zeit, meine Augen zu schließen. Für immer. Es tut mir leid.
I look at you and see the rest of my life in front of my eyes.
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Postby Tritta » 07 Feb 2016, 00:56

Oh my god I can't believe it, this is so sad and unexpected :(

Rest in peace man. Fuck depression, not enough awareness about this shit...
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Postby Bomberz » 07 Feb 2016, 01:01

OMG this can't be true, I can't believe it :( I have no words atm. Some days ago, he asked for some free music in this forum and now he's gone :'( rest in peace buddy.
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Postby hostage » 07 Feb 2016, 01:28

Oh my god, hard to believe for me that a human being can get to this state of mind. It's so sad, he posted about his depressions before, but I never ever thought it would get this far....

Rest in peace man, you seemed like a cool dude in the forums
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Postby John Cove » 07 Feb 2016, 01:52

akachaostheory:We (I and his family) got the sad news that he passed away around a half hour ago due a car-accident .

I know I shouldn't ask this, but you log in to this Hardstyle forum 30 minutes after you heared that he died and post his farewell letter in here?

That somewhat weird, I'm sorry.
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Postby NICK9656 » 07 Feb 2016, 02:43

That's kinda unreal and came unexpected for me. Rest in peace man. My condolences to "you" and the rest of the family and friends. It's always sad to lose someone.
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Postby Roberthawkins » 07 Feb 2016, 03:02

oh no, this cant be true :'( My condolences to you and all your loved once

Rest in peace


There is always love out there
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Postby Morbid_Angel » 07 Feb 2016, 03:10

Wait, car-accident and he wrote a goodbye letter?

In any case I hope he found some rest and is finally at peace.
My deepest condolences to you and your entire family, as suicides (which is how I interpret this "situation" as) are always hardest on those left behind.

Rest in Peace, Alex from Germany. If there is another life after death, may it be better for you than this one was.
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Postby Rocko » 07 Feb 2016, 03:36


There aren't any words for this kind of event. I just hope he didn't suffer in the end. Depression is something out of this world. No one should have to go through with that.

Rest in peace man.
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Postby GamerZoneUSA » 07 Feb 2016, 05:44

Oh man.. I didn't think it was that serious... RIP man.
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Postby Reverse Ghost » 07 Feb 2016, 06:50

Absolutely at a loss for words.
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Postby SarahKerrigan » 07 Feb 2016, 08:31

Sorry for your loss
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Postby ceero » 07 Feb 2016, 09:52

Awww shit :( really shocked to read this. I remember he wrote many times about his struggles and issues here, it looked quirlte serious but i didnt expect it to get this far. Depressions are just terrible ... Be strong

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Postby The Convicted » 07 Feb 2016, 12:07

Guys, he was dedicated to hardstyle, so I think his sister decided to share it with this community as soon as possible, because it actually concerns us too... we should respect the way of it, if they think it's good.

Well, I have no words actually... waking up for this tragic accident today and all the things about him just ran through my head, seeing his joy in listening to many stuff here or his struggle in the sad topic and I thought something wasn't okay. But I was very glad he was posting about positive stuff that it's "okay now" and he's going to be fine... and there comes this. :( Suicide is a serious thing, just take care of anyone. It's a sudden realization or an event planned way before. It's worse when you see no signs of it... whatever.

RIP... nyugodj békében (hopefully his sister gets it like Alex might do, too).
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Postby hardstyleprem1um » 07 Feb 2016, 15:15

Oh man this is very tragic to hear.This got to me because my sister also struggles with depression and often cries and says that she wants to die. I hope i will never get to witness her death like that.

I also struggled with depression and feeling lonely. But my cure was to keep my mind focused on studying,and that helped me bacause my mind was busy with learning. Learning new stuff was my cure for not thinking about bad stuff,and it was good because i kept my brain focused.

Rest is peace Alex.

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