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Reasons to feel sad

  

Postby Emre » 10 Mar 2020, 21:50

^ what the..
It was, it was like slow motion
and everything was so out of my control
In that moment, I don't know...what happens where souls go,
but I really realized the depth of love that I had and... Thank god for music
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Postby spitles » 11 Mar 2020, 08:41

Emre:^ what the..


ye, i've been surrounded by toxic dudes since childhood
monsters who enjoy to make me suffer, who toy with my feelings etc...
in such nasty ways that i did regret to exist many times, suicide attempts etc...

they enjoy to maintain me into a state of ruin too, so i can't do anything
they damage me more and more, so healing takes more and more time too
i'm not into a wheel chair, so i can do things, but then team toxic oppose...

and i'm lonely, i'm my own support, so it's 1 vs all full time, no breaks
direct hits, remote bombs, global scaled shit, etc... so many weapons
if only they were that skilled to do cool things, that could be cool actually
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Postby DirtyTok » 11 Mar 2020, 13:55

spitles:

so the most viewed hardstyle tracks @ youtube are fan arts mostly
dunno if ytmonster boosted or not but i feel bad now lol ....


The last track isnt even hardstyle xD
Its jump/tek
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Postby The Blaster » 12 Mar 2020, 03:20

Emre:@splitles Nah, thanks for your concern but it's not about that. I've just been depressed, suicidal and have panic attacks everyday for years and now to top it off, 10 days ago my girlfriend for 8 years long kicked me out of the house so my suicidal thoughts are through the roof at the moment. But I'll probably power through it, like always ..

And both my doctor and therapist don't want me on antidepressants because it might actually temporarily worsen my symptoms and they think I'm gonna finish myself for real if that happens. So now I'm binging oxazepam daily to keep me calm. And now I'm living with my parents again who had been living by themselves for 5 years after I went living together, so they are also confused and sad as fuck with the new situation. Now I'm searching a job but I don't have any diplomas because I got depressed as fuck at 17 and got kicked out of school and didn't do anything with my life. Stuck as fuck.

That is a shitty situation. But power through it man. I wouldn't go on antidepressants, but I really know (close to) nothing about it.

If there is a will, there is a way. Stay strong.
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Postby spitles » 16 Mar 2020, 17:40

tried to send my funny indestructible remix for the tournament ....
but i got mysql error message due to some characters i did put in the form
got email confirmation, but then no idea if they got track, message, etc...


to me it's another layer of ruin, another 'f*ck no, not again'
but imagine rookie artist not used to error messages like this
then i'll probably zippyshare the track and post it, but not today



edit : so i went to my shitty job after that
but it's closed, nobody informed me about that
and so it means no income then, moar ruin etc...

could go like "tee-hee it means opportunity for whatever"
but i'm not that mood right now, i got bleed, so i bleed...
means i have to fix the bleeding first, healing time..
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Postby Emre » 20 Mar 2020, 16:27

Strongly resisting the urge to eat my whole package of benzo's. :yawn:
It was, it was like slow motion
and everything was so out of my control
In that moment, I don't know...what happens where souls go,
but I really realized the depth of love that I had and... Thank god for music
Emre (25)
State Retired Person
 
Posts: 18667
Location: Netherlands (nl)

Postby ThePrincipal » 21 Mar 2020, 08:36

simple reason - the world is going to stop for most of 2020 because of the death virus.

Not sure what will kill more people - the virus or the suicides from those who are too anxious to cope with the virus :(
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Postby The Blaster » 21 Mar 2020, 11:16

I find it very sad that authoritarianism is firmly back in Europe, just under the surface of all that tolerance.

But, this is definitely not a thread for politics. I think this is an incredible opportunity for the continent to unite, for nations to unite in general. There seems to be a common enemy now that we are in war time (if you ignore mainstream media outlets who have other motives). Psychologically speaking, despite the dissonance of tolerant views but authoritarian action from leaders, the reuniting of peoples can help to reduce anxiety, increase a feeling of connection, and hopefully stop any kind of suicide that you mentioned.

I think I wrote here before, there is no need to panic now. That was ages ago. We need conscious, deliberate action that will help in this meta-crisis. It is definitely not a virus anymore, the second-order effects on the economy, public life etc. etc. are massive; this is going to change everything. We are seeing just how fragile the systems that we built really are.
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Postby spitles » 26 Mar 2020, 14:09


this is dragonforce soldier of wasteland midi file exposed, 10+ minutes of awesomeness ... and it did remind me of 1 thing : i can't materialize melodies that aren't simple - it happens i fail at simple melodies too actually lul - sometimes i have cool melodies running in my mind and i fail to materialize them every time, even on paper, i feel like shit now ha ha
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Postby adamross » 27 Mar 2020, 10:29

spitles:
this is dragonforce soldier of wasteland midi file exposed, 10+ minutes of awesomeness ... and it did remind me of 1 thing : i can't materialize melodies that aren't simple - it happens i fail at simple melodies too actually lul - sometimes i have cool melodies running in my mind and i fail to materialize them every time, even on paper, i feel like shit now ha ha


Music theory helps a lot. The basics can be learned pretty fast. Ear training app and so on ;)
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