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Reasons to feel good

  

Postby The Convicted » 24 Jan 2020, 21:29

Walking down the streets at night with almost no people around, heavy fog covers everything, making lights of lamp posts dim and I'm listening to mysterious ambient music meanwhile.

I mean, holy shit <3
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Postby Emre » 24 Jan 2020, 21:42

The Convicted:Walking down the streets at night with almost no people around, heavy fog covers everything, making lights of lamp posts dim and I'm listening to mysterious ambient music meanwhile.

I mean, holy shit <3


Hehe, here a fellow night walk lover :D
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Postby SKRWD » 21 Feb 2020, 14:57

Hey guys, I'd like to share an experience with you - or better how MDMA saved my life.

First of all I wanted to make sure that it's neither my intention to glorify drug use nor to influence people due to my bias. As some of you already know, I'm suffering from severe mental health issues, such as a complex PTSD, Borderline personality disorder with paranoid traits, depression, just to name a few. I think most of you can imagine how life's been for me for all the years. Around the end of 2019 things have worsened as I have stated in the "Reasons to feel sad" topic. However, two days ago I had an experience from which I really think that it has saved my life and opened my eyes.

I've already done most of all known drugs (urge to gain experience but also kind of treating myself), from Cannabis over LSD to Heroin. I did XTC two times (pills); the first time was horrible as I simultaneously started to vomit once I felt the effect - the second time was like hell aswell: Everything I saw has morphed to black dots which then became spiders - not cool for someone who panics a lot and suffers from Arachnophobia. When it comes to pure MDMA, I never took it alone, means when I used MDMA, other drugs were involved. The only effects I felt were chewing on my tongue and a little bit of vigilance, nothing more.

So, this Thursday I wanted to try it again. Together with my girlfriend (who was sober) and two good friends of mine (thanks for guiding my experience) I took around 230 mg of MDMA. The first dose of 100 mg didn't do shit, so I took another one about one and half an hour later. Holy fuck, here comes the bad feeling again. Oh god, I'm about to panic. This bad feeling, however, was suddenly non existent anymore. I remember my first impression: I was looking in the mirror and said: "Hey, I'm actually pretty. Why do I think I'm ugly? I don't understand?" My girlfriend answered that she doesn't know either. Idk, it kinda felt like I was observing myself but out of my own body and mind (does that even make sense)? For the first time ever I recognized all the paradoxa inside my personality. I felt like that this is how I was born and raised and that something inside of me has built a wall to numb this part of mine. I even called my mother, told her the truth (like I always do) and talked a lot about my emotions I were feeling in this moment. It's like now that I've made this experience (which I won't repeat), I found peace with myself. I feel completed. This experience has given me insight of my true self and I'm really thankful for that. I don't feel suffering anymore. I'm happy.

Sorry for the wall of text, but maybe it makes someone happy to see that someone has finally reached the point of happiness they were longing for.

I'm still confused due all those impressions and I really need to process all the things that have happened during those days. It's impossible to adequately describe what was going on in me.

Thanks for reading! And sorry for mistakes :)
P.S.: I wouln't recommend anybody to do drugs, especially not when having mental issues. I'm fully aware that this experience could've turned out really badly.
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Postby DjVero » 21 Feb 2020, 20:41

SKRWD:Hey guys, I'd like to share an experience with you - or better how MDMA saved my life.

First of all I wanted to make sure that it's neither my intention to glorify drug use nor to influence people due to my bias. As some of you already know, I'm suffering from severe mental health issues, such as a complex PTSD, Borderline personality disorder with paranoid traits, depression, just to name a few. I think most of you can imagine how life's been for me for all the years. Around the end of 2019 things have worsened as I have stated in the "Reasons to feel sad" topic. However, two days ago I had an experience from which I really think that it has saved my life and opened my eyes.

I've already done most of all known drugs (urge to gain experience but also kind of treating myself), from Cannabis over LSD to Heroin. I did XTC two times (pills); the first time was horrible as I simultaneously started to vomit once I felt the effect - the second time was like hell aswell: Everything I saw has morphed to black dots which then became spiders - not cool for someone who panics a lot and suffers from Arachnophobia. When it comes to pure MDMA, I never took it alone, means when I used MDMA, other drugs were involved. The only effects I felt were chewing on my tongue and a little bit of vigilance, nothing more.

So, this Thursday I wanted to try it again. Together with my girlfriend (who was sober) and two good friends of mine (thanks for guiding my experience) I took around 230 mg of MDMA. The first dose of 100 mg didn't do shit, so I took another one about one and half an hour later. Holy fuck, here comes the bad feeling again. Oh god, I'm about to panic. This bad feeling, however, was suddenly non existent anymore. I remember my first impression: I was looking in the mirror and said: "Hey, I'm actually pretty. Why do I think I'm ugly? I don't understand?" My girlfriend answered that she doesn't know either. Idk, it kinda felt like I was observing myself but out of my own body and mind (does that even make sense)? For the first time ever I recognized all the paradoxa inside my personality. I felt like that this is how I was born and raised and that something inside of me has built a wall to numb this part of mine. I even called my mother, told her the truth (like I always do) and talked a lot about my emotions I were feeling in this moment. It's like now that I've made this experience (which I won't repeat), I found peace with myself. I feel completed. This experience has given me insight of my true self and I'm really thankful for that. I don't feel suffering anymore. I'm happy.

Sorry for the wall of text, but maybe it makes someone happy to see that someone has finally reached the point of happiness they were longing for.

I'm still confused due all those impressions and I really need to process all the things that have happened during those days. It's impossible to adequately describe what was going on in me.

Thanks for reading! And sorry for mistakes :)
P.S.: I wouln't recommend anybody to do drugs, especially not when having mental issues. I'm fully aware that this experience could've turned out really badly.


Good for you and nice last sentence. MDMA is not really addictive, but beware of taking it more often just to feel those positive vibes again. ;)
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Postby mrcax5 » 19 Apr 2020, 13:03

Just a small milestone for me here on forum. It's my fifth year and this is my 1000th post haha (H)
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Postby Emre » 20 Apr 2020, 12:10

8 days nicotine free :) Quit cold turkey and expected it to be tough but it's not at all :D
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Postby spitles » 20 Apr 2020, 13:53

SKRWD:I'm still confused due all those impressions and I really need to process all the things that have happened during those days. It's impossible to adequately describe what was going on in me.


ye ... so basically league of destruction got pleasure out of you, you suffered hardcore, and so here comes the urge for love ... basically it's been first time since long that you actually loved yourself ? .......... dude you have no funny mental issues, you got ruined by league of destruction, it's them who are mental issues, not you .... you're great, love/accept yourself, move on .... you don't need drugs, you just have to love yourself and that's it ...

look me it's been over 30 years that league of destruction makes a blood festival out of me, for pleasure or whatever, my urge for love is over 9000 for long etc... however i love myself, i don't need drugs to do so ... and i'm lonely, no funny girlfriend or support crew ... lol every time they end up being members of league of destruction ... all of them ...
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Postby hardstyleprem1um » 20 Apr 2020, 16:36

Emre:8 days nicotine free :) Quit cold turkey and expected it to be tough but it's not at all :D


Yep been there done that. But even after years of quitting i still miss and want nicotine :G

But i guess cravings is better than addiction ;)
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Postby Emre » 20 Apr 2020, 16:41

hardstyleprem1um:
Emre:8 days nicotine free :) Quit cold turkey and expected it to be tough but it's not at all :D


Yep been there done that. But even after years of quitting i still miss and want nicotine :G

But i guess cravings is better than addiction ;)


Yeah cravings will always stay I guess, but the withdrawal feels quite smooth for me, when I was reading quitting stories online, it made me expect a literal hell. But luckily, it's pretty do-able for me personally.
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Postby macdz » 08 May 2020, 10:08

I've set up youtube channel haha and it's surging! (L)
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Postby Emre » 14 May 2020, 20:43

Over 1 month smoke free, which wasn't hard - at all.

Also, D-Block & S-te-Fan _O_
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Postby ThePrincipal » 23 May 2020, 01:48

Australian rules football league (not soccer) is back in 2 weeks - I am so desperate for my usual sport fix to come back <3
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Postby macdz » 29 May 2020, 11:50

I've been doing K1 for 3 months and damn, it feels good to land punches and kicks. Breathe, dont focus on hard hits, focus on speed...loosen up and be light _0_ any experts here? :)
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Postby Emre » 29 May 2020, 12:01

Finally got rid of the corona hair.
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Postby macdz » 05 Jun 2020, 14:16

I've been approved by a native speaker as a certified English teacher biiiiiiiiiiitch. Plus, this is the school where native speakers are employed. I am gonna teach children/people English. Ha! I'll be going abroad and they will pay for my hotels etc, hourly rate is quite, quite. This is awesome! For those who were laughing at my English back then, a middle finger. Hope it's visible :) Nailed it... _O_ and this is my side job double pwnt :hat:

So Emre, this is to you. If you dont get producing process, get it. Seriously. Get there as hard as u can. 100% of yours always pays off. if you give up halfway through, you are done.

It's been 8 years...teaching people English. And here I am _O_
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