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24 years old today..


Postby Digital Shifter » 11 Oct 2018, 10:50

It's my birthday today guys! As much as I feel celebrating it, because tonight I will go with friends and everyone will bring their console to play Black Ops 4 like a LAN party, it feels like a good birthday.

But I'm concerned about myself.
Everyday that I wake up for the last two years I'm wondering where I will be with my life within 10 years. Then I will be 34 years old..
When I was 18 and I started with music production I thought I would gain diplomas in music production and have some small successes with it by the age of 22. But so far all I have achieved is wisdom in producing music but also in life itself. Learning about music, the creation process and the techniques behind the production changed me as an individual. I really wanted to celebrate my 24th birthday knowing/feeling that everything will be alright. That I could say that to my family members including my mother who've supported my from the beginning, which she still does though, I love her with all my heart. Today it's also year 8 that I can't celebrate my birthday with my father since he past away, on the 7th of October, 8 years ago. I went through shit in my youth. And these are great motivators to go on. But it's also hard to go on. Currently I'm having a dip of creating music. I'm working a lot and going to the gym a lot and eat a lot of healthy food etc. Sometimes I spend a small hour on a kick which can have amazing results with fresh ears though. So the flame inside of me is still smoldering somewhere. I only need to figure out how to put oil on that son of a b*tch and go with full force back into production. Believe me, music is my passion. I'd rather create music than going on a date or spending time with friends but that's not important.
I just hope everything is gonna be alright and I must believe in myself.
Behind the curtain of everyday's consciousness..
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Digital Shifter (24)
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Postby Neko » 11 Oct 2018, 11:27

Happy bday!
I know that feeling, I can relate so well. Your feelings to your productions and struggles with it are pretty much the same what I experience right now. Like, I know I can produce music on a quality level I wasn't ever able to do before, theoretically. Obviously, because you always learn new stuff and don't forget the things you already learned before. But I'm struggling to find ways to use that knowledge. Call it writers block, missing inspiration...
I haven't found a way to force myself into producing. When I open up my DAW, I'm just fucking around for a short period of time and there will still be nothing I wanna work further on, I just leave my DAW and do something different. This is the story of the last 2 months for me. Nothing in the last 2 months I did catched my interest enought to spend hours on it.
This is deeply frustrating, because I define myself over my own productions. I'm proud of what I archieved up until now. Its just depressing to be dependent on something, to do what you love the most to do. I'm dependent on my own inspiration, which I dont have control over.
I wanna produce more music, but I simply cant right now. I would love to be able to be like radical redemption, finishing 2 tracks a day or so. But I had to realise this isn't how my brain works.

My advice would be to find a way to cope with it mentally. For my part atleast, as I dont have control over my inspiration. I will have to deal with this situation, otherwise it will be too frustrating. I cant change when inspiration comes but i can change how I deal with it.
I can't imagine being on a different label for example being at somebodies mercy regarding deadlines and such. I would probably crumble. Or, I would maybe, due to the pressure, find a way to be able do force myself into producing music whenever I need to or want to. Not sure.
Also, I am not sure right now if my whole situation is depressing or if I should be happy about having no deadlines and having the freedom to not produce music. No one actually cares if I dont put out new tracks. On one hand this is sad because I want people to care, on the other its a blessing cause I'm not under external pressure. Only internal.
I also realise, how much of a first-world-problem that is. I am happy with all I got, I have a lovely gf, future-wife-material, a job which is sometimes fun, a dog who makes my life complete...
Dunno, I rambled with no end here. Just a thought-vomit. I obviously had to get it off my chest, thanks for your post to allow me that :D
I just wanna say, you're not alone with this. I really wish you can cope with that easier than I do.

You bday plans sound really fun, let yourself be celebrated! Enjoy your day!
Formerly known as Maneki Neko
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Postby 5th angle » 11 Oct 2018, 11:58

hey how about that writer's block after you spent about 30K-40K on hardware? :naughty:

regarding your problem, you just need someone next to you to keep the faith and go on

Happy birthday! :+
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Postby Emre » 11 Oct 2018, 14:19

Happy birthday man, keep your head up :)
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