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Corona has reached our village in West Germany, schools and public administrations are closed today. Last week we celebrated carnival so presumably it might have spread around already.

On the whole producing topic I stumbled upon this article : https://www.edmprod.com/5-stages-electr ... -producer/

Which is interesting as I intend to start producing with the goal to make a career out of it.

I plan to leave my current job as I cannot even start producing while doing it, because of long hours with long public transport times (my standard day is leaving my home between 8:00 AM and 8:15 AM and coming back around 8:30 PM). Only drawback is that I currently have a decent pay (2250€ / month after all taxes).

Getting pretty depressed with this lifestyle tbh, cannot even do sport anymore.

@splitles Nah, thanks for your concern but it's not about that. I've just been depressed, suicidal and have panic attacks everyday for years and now to top it off, 10 days ago my girlfriend for 8 years long kicked me out of the house so my suicidal thoughts are through the roof at the moment. But I'll probably power through it, like always ..

And both my doctor and therapist don't want me on antidepressants because it might actually temporarily worsen my symptoms and they think I'm gonna finish myself for real if that happens. So now I'm binging oxazepam daily to keep me calm. And now I'm living with my parents again who had been living by themselves for 5 years after I went living together, so they are also confused and sad as fuck with the new situation. Now I'm searching a job but I don't have any diplomas because I got depressed as fuck at 17 and got kicked out of school and didn't do anything with my life. Stuck as fuck.

Threw my cigs + lighter away last evening at 23:30. It's only been 18 hrs and I'm already sweating like a little bitch. Fuck withdrawals.

^ what the..

spitles wrote:

so the most viewed hardstyle tracks @ youtube are fan arts mostly
dunno if ytmonster boosted or not but i feel bad now lol ....

The last track isnt even hardstyle
Its jump/tek

Emre wrote:@splitles Nah, thanks for your concern but it's not about that. I've just been depressed, suicidal and have panic attacks everyday for years and now to top it off, 10 days ago my girlfriend for 8 years long kicked me out of the house so my suicidal thoughts are through the roof at the moment. But I'll probably power through it, like always ..

And both my doctor and therapist don't want me on antidepressants because it might actually temporarily worsen my symptoms and they think I'm gonna finish myself for real if that happens. So now I'm binging oxazepam daily to keep me calm. And now I'm living with my parents again who had been living by themselves for 5 years after I went living together, so they are also confused and sad as fuck with the new situation. Now I'm searching a job but I don't have any diplomas because I got depressed as fuck at 17 and got kicked out of school and didn't do anything with my life. Stuck as fuck.

That is a shitty situation. But power through it man. I wouldn't go on antidepressants, but I really know (close to) nothing about it.

If there is a will, there is a way. Stay strong.

Strongly resisting the urge to eat my whole package of benzo's.

simple reason - the world is going to stop for most of 2020 because of the death virus.

Not sure what will kill more people - the virus or the suicides from those who are too anxious to cope with the virus

I find it very sad that authoritarianism is firmly back in Europe, just under the surface of all that tolerance.

But, this is definitely not a thread for politics. I think this is an incredible opportunity for the continent to unite, for nations to unite in general. There seems to be a common enemy now that we are in war time (if you ignore mainstream media outlets who have other motives). Psychologically speaking, despite the dissonance of tolerant views but authoritarian action from leaders, the reuniting of peoples can help to reduce anxiety, increase a feeling of connection, and hopefully stop any kind of suicide that you mentioned.

I think I wrote here before, there is no need to panic now. That was ages ago. We need conscious, deliberate action that will help in this meta-crisis. It is definitely not a virus anymore, the second-order effects on the economy, public life etc. etc. are massive; this is going to change everything. We are seeing just how fragile the systems that we built really are.